One Hundred Monkeys in Texas

January 12, 2009

I have GOT to get me one of these

Filed under: Humor,Life,Technology — alancochrum @ 7:14 pm
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I ran across the following note in some computer-program documentation (the word issue being used as a technical term):

“If you are ever lost or confused while working with an issue, the Workflow tab will help you find your way.”


(1) Is there a tab of this kind for … well, Life?

(2) If so, where is it, and WHY am I only now hearing about it?


January 11, 2009

You know you’re in Texas when …

Filed under: Humor,Texas — alancochrum @ 11:23 pm
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A sign spotted in a men’s bathroom at a small college near Dallas-Fort Worth:

“Please DO NOT discard tobacco or chewing gum in the toilets and urinals.”

What a great state this is.

January 8, 2009

It’s a lovely dream — don’t wake me

Filed under: Culture,Humor,TV — alancochrum @ 9:51 pm
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A recent fantasy:

I wish that low-quality Drama — solemn tones of voice, mood lighting, pregnant pauses in speech, teary monologues, catty confrontations — were a tangible substance, something that could be packaged in a bag, bottle or box and sold as a commodity.

Because if it were … I would buy it all up, every bit. I would raise the price so sky-high that truffles, saffron and caviar, by comparison, would be as cheap as Vienna sausages. And then I would give the bad news to all those reality TV shows out there.

I figure that in about three months, about 90 percent of them would no longer be able to afford their particular stock in trade and would be off the air. And the ones that could afford it would be making my bank account look like Warren Buffet’s.

A quick fortune and less junk on TV. What’s not to like?

January 7, 2009

Jingle all the way

Filed under: Books,Humor,Journalism — alancochrum @ 11:29 pm
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The most memorable Christmas present that this recently laid-off newspaper copy editor received in 2008:

My older daughter  bought me a book when the University of Missouri was culling its stacks: Arville Schaleben’s 1961 (my birth year) Your Future in Journalism.

And just to make it extra-special, on the spine label was stamped, in big red letters, “DISCARD.”

Gotta love it.

November 24, 2008

Great work if you can get it

Filed under: Humor,Work — alancochrum @ 6:42 pm
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Today I ran across a posting on a job board seeking a “reality editor.”

I had NO IDEA that was a possible career. Where do I sign up?

November 3, 2008

Wisdom from the tiger

Filed under: Comic strips,Humor,Life — alancochrum @ 7:24 pm
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Second quote for the day:

“The problem with new experiences is that they’re so rarely the ones you choose.”

— Hobbes in “Calvin and Hobbes,” Dec. 17, 1995

Reading this after being laid off gives it a whole new meaning …

August 4, 2008

Wearing a Flannery shirt

Filed under: Humor,Spirituality,Writing — alancochrum @ 3:35 pm
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I am working through The Habit of Being, a collection of Flannery O’Connor’s letters edited by Sally Fitzgerald. An excerpt:

“I read [Thomas Aquinas’ Summa Theologica] for about twenty minutes every night before I go to bed. If my mother were to come in during this process and say, ‘Turn off that light. It’s late,’ I with lifted finger and broad bland beatific expression, would reply, ‘On the contrary, I answer that the light, being eternal and limitless, cannot be turned off. Shut your eyes,’ or some such thing.”

Not everybody would find that amusing. Actually, not too many people would. But I do.

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